New Circle - Peak Into Other People's Lives

By Lisa Jey Davis

Today's
Thought for the Day
from DailyOm:

Friends of
Extended Circles:

	I'm An American in NY by Josh Kil		From: NEW YORK, NY
			UNITED STATES
			Into: music, art, people
			Know (I'm pretty good at these!): seclusion, being social, painting (paintings, that is), getting around the Big Apple.

My name is Josh Kil and this a story of how I ended up here, in New York city. Ask me later and I might tell you another story. That story will also lack detail, I'm sure, but will be a real attempt to capture that particular chunk of my memory.

I'm both very social and very private. I want to go to the party, talk to everyone, and I want to hide away from everyone and not talk to anyone. New York works for this purpose.

Albuquerque, New Mexico is where I grew up. It was great. ...Still is good. I like visiting. As an ambitious 20yr. old who needed to see more and exist in a world not clouded by traumas of youthful angst and the feelings that a relative is there watching every move, I needed to get away. I needed a place where I could experience the things that one is told they shouldn't. I needed to be surrounded by people who've already seen everything and because of this are too open minded to mind the tiny outbursts of this kid: aka me. This is great because being able to do what you want helps you realize what you really want.

I heart New York... Actually, I don't mean to make New York sound better than it is... I'm sure the mid-west is great, or wherever the constant influx of kids is coming from that constantly makes it hard to find a decent apartment. Stay at home... your parents money will go a lot further out there. Be happy knowing that New York City's dense population generates enough tax dollars to pay for your kids school. Take a free ride.. out there somewhere! It's true, though, New York isn't just a big party.

I moved here to go to art school. In my fantasies, I would move here and everything would fall into place. I'd have a job, a hip East Village apartment and have my own underground "zine." Instead, I found crappy part-time work at a Japanese hair salon taking appointments. I stayed with my second aunt's partner in Nyack, which is an hour and a half-long commute, and barely had time to do my homework. I never wanted to ask my parents for money, but I did. Just enough to get me into crappy student housing in Brooklyn. Later I asked for money to continue school because student loans didn't cover it. Art school is expensive.

To this day I find myself getting behind and needing help. It sucks, because I'm 31yrs. old. My younger sister has a family and a house and she has since she was like 23 or something crazy like that. .... Life is easier out there.... don't move here...

Art school, though difficult and taxing on my wallet, was great. It was more or less what I wanted . I met some amazing people there.

Before I moved to New York, I had an art teacher named Micheal Cook who told me, "be careful out there... Don't burn your bridges". That's great. Let me tell you all that you don't need to burn your bridges out here to loose contact with someone. I've met a thousand contacts for my art career, and then lost contact with them. Maybe they were just drunk when they offered me that art show. Did I mention that people drink in New York?

Drinking is fun. I like to get wild and stupid, but like everywhere else, you need to be careful. For me, I've had to be strict with myself, allotting time to get my art done. I'm actually not letting myself drink at all right now for that purpose, but this is difficult because the New York art world is highly social. Meeting people sometimes requires that you go to the after-party of some art opening. What is an after-party? It's a club that the gallery owner has dropped a lot of money on so that there is an open bar for a couple of hours. You don't have to drink, but then what are you? Some kinda' boring person who's only there to convince someone to give you a studio visit? Plus, talking is easier after a couple of drinks. I'm sure that tonight, most of my friends are either drinking or they are specifically taking a break from drinking. It might sound bad, but it is what it is, and the people I'm talking about are not at all bad in my opinion.

The idea of talking about my social life to this point seems like a daunting task. I'll try to keep it brief. I've met some amazing characters, some of which have become famous or have developed great careers. I have some lasting friends. My experience is so remarkably different than the show "Friends," and if you think it's like that show here, than you're wrong and you shouldn't live here. I have friends that I haven't talked to in several years. It's easy to end up on different paths. There are millions of paths to be swept down in the city. Romantic relationships are difficult here too. I've had several serious ones. I suppose that if you were rich and had the exact same desires and goals, it would be easier. I rarely have a girlfriend who has the same opinion about kids, where they should be brought up or when they should be conceived. This is my experience, but it doesn't bring me down. It's just one of the factors in this, my world.

I've lived in Brooklyn mostly. but now I have a Lower East Side apartment, which is better than the hip East village apartment that I once wanted. I've played shows with my band. I've met great performers. I've had art shows and continue to prepare for my next show. I have a girl who has me smitten, and though I need a better paying day-job, I've gotten most of what I've wanted from this city. I feel that I'm experiencing a very real life in a very real world.

New York is filled with illusions, unreality and phoniness, but never was there a better American city for understanding and getting to know human interaction. Being stretched to the edge provides a good perspective from which to get a clear view. It's been a constant adventure. Part of living here is just finding a way to be here. It's often survival of the fittest, but I'm still here. It is what it is, and I did what I did.

If I was where you are then maybe I would have done what you did. God bless us everyone.

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