|
THE UPPER CRUST
I was driving home the
other day, and I heard a song on the
radio that took me back a few years. It was a song by the group Outkast,
entitled "Hey Ya." I was transported to a New Years Eve party in Los Angeles,
back in 2002 or '03. Outkast was performing this song on one of the New
Years Eve specials that aired that night on television. At that time in my
life, I was a Marketing and PR Consultant to a cosmetic surgeon in Beverly Hills who also
happened to be a good friend of mine. We were both single
then and, in our determination not to spend the holiday alone, we agreed to go to
his sister's party together (who happened to be a district attorney in the hard-core gangs unit in Los
Angeles). We truly were just friends, so I saw this as a fantastic opportunity
to step outside of my usual circle and meet some new and interesting people.
As the song played on
the radio,
I couldn't help but reminisce a little. 'That evening had been fun,' I thought
as I smiled, remembering the details. My
friend's sister danced to this very song in front of her television, while the
band performed it from New York. She and her fiance were adorable, as she swung her hips and
they tried to do the twist - so happy and
carefree. I can't even begin to elaborate on the social metaphors that
were being shattered in this one instance. Not only would some think it
ludicrous to derive any sort of evidence to support this essay on the Upper
Crust of society from Outkast or any one of their songs (being a musical group
who by all accounts has tried very hard to squelch or stave off any and all
references to their undeniable cuteness, or teeny-bopper appeal, and command
respect, appearing edgy or at the very least, intelligent, sexual and
contemporary in the hip-hop world) but the very fact that this cute little upper-class, white-bread couple became giddy on hearing the song, and ran to the front
of the room to swing to it is priceless, to say the least. It proves that
social mores are suspect, at minimum. Dammit, white people can
enjoy hip-hop just like the next guy, whether he or she be a "brother" or a
"sister." Suffice it to say that were this same scenario played out in the
hood, these cute white folks would be lucky to get out alive. It's just
not okay, in the minds of many purveyors of all that is the "hood" for white
people with money to enjoy this music. They just can't understand the
plight of the black man, or the underprivileged. Not that the lyrics
"Uh, thank god for mom and dad for sticking through together 'cause we don't
know hooowww... UH!" conjure up any sort of "power to
the underprivileged," but they are performed by two guys who came from nothing,
so to speak, and now have a voice, albeit a fun, feel-good sort of voice. But I
digress.
The party consisted mostly of
attorneys - coworkers of the host and hostess - and most were there with dates or as very
well-established couples. Despite my obvious unattached state, I was able to
meander comfortably, striking up conversation here and there.
There were some interesting people at the party. That's when I met Devin
(I've changed his name to spare him the embarrassment). A very attractive
man, also a coworker of the hostess.
 Initially, Devin was interesting to talk to, and
had lots going for him (from my point of view). He was nice looking, with large,
dark, penetrating eyes, dark black hair, and what appeared to be a nice body -
which was only solidified (no pun intended) when he spoke of his exercise regimen.
He seemed attentive to my needs at first, assuring I had a drink whenever I wanted one,
and was certainly intelligent.
I have a mind for marketing and public relations, and can rarely expel this from
my psyche in social interactions. As a result, I am truly intrigued by
what others do for a living, always interested to learn more, and apply this
knowledge to what I do. I've found, however, that my genuine interest is
sometimes misinterpreted for simplistic adoration. I've also found
that this seeming adoration is extremely appealing to self-absorbed types. Like
Devin.
The truth is, Devin was very successful. He too was a district attorney,
set for the fast track of wealth and success in the legal realm... not necessarily
astronomical wealth, but this guy would never suffer financially if he played
his cards right. Normally, this is a huge turn-on for me. Not the money
part (because that is always there), but the success part. There is nothing
more appealing than someone who loves what they do, is good at it, and has
managed to find a way to be successful doing it. Any other time, I might
look past a self-absorbed conversation in someone like this, acknowledging (or
excusing?) that the wiles of alcohol had once again victimized an otherwise kind, giving
and interesting individual. I'd sometimes even insist the person should be given
another shot (no pun intended here either).
What doomed this situation from moving forward,
alleviating any chance at a second meeting, was the fact that Devin,
although successful, was far too self-deprecating, and excessively negative. He
was newly divorced and spoke of his ex-wife negatively. He seemed to long for pity
for his sad situation. I found myself asking the shameful questions, "Was
it cultural? Are all Jewish men like this?" I'd been involved with my share of
Jewish men, and found it hard to determine any definitive answer in that moment.
It wasn't just the whiney, negative tones that were a turn-off. It was the
notion that someone who had such potential would limit themselves so severely. In my mind,
there should be no limits to someone with such an education and career.
Devin was virtually cutting himself off from the
enjoyment available from life. Why would someone with so much
promise and opportunity waste as much time and energy on negative
thoughts and expressions? I found myself thinking in terms of the
marketing and public relations aspects of our potential relationship. Who knows where this guy might end up? He has the potential to
write a book about his experiences in the hard core gangs unit. He could
be an expert on CNN. But I knew the truth.
This guy may never reach his potential, because of his whiney, negative approach to life. I suddenly realized this was no
small "if only." When someone allows such negativity and limits into their lives,
they tend to end up devoting energy to maintaining the status quo. Change is scary
to most people. I realized that Devin would be "happy" to maintain his
life the way it is - a life content to attract attention for sad or unfortunate
circumstances... for his lack of ability to be complete on his own, or to be at
peace in his own skin. It's the same in children who get attention by getting in trouble at
home and at school, simply because mom and dad are too busy to pay attention otherwise.
Or the dysfunctional families who continue to allow abuse, because it's what they
know. Not that Devin's life would be all that horrible, but sadly, in that
evening, I surmised all of this from his negative behavior. I determined
rather quickly that I wanted to soar with eagles, and not be pulled down by
negativity or a lifetime of "I can'ts."
The quandary was that Devin didn't actually say things in an outright
negative tone. I'd seen this many times before in others before him.
He was the type I could imagine, who would say to me in a romantic gesture,
"Let's go to New York and live it up for your birthday. We'll see whatever
show you want, go to some some nice dinners, maybe do a little shopping..." then
he would proceed to lament over the cost of doing so, and toil over getting the
cheapest rates for everything - so much so, that the trip would become
burdensome, and the whole dreadful situation would eradicate any joy I might derive from such a gesture. Or,
I could envision him, upon encouragement from other enthusiasts like myself,
reaching for new heights in his career, all the while sickening everyone around
him with worry and whining behind the scenes about the absurdity of the pursuit,
or about the faults of the others he was competing with in this new venture.
I admit, it seems rather short-sighted to determine whether a person is an asset to
your life that bears inclusion, or whether they should be relegated to the
fringes based on a single meeting, no matter how negative. My only defense in
this matter comes from my experience with divorce as a thirty-five year old
single mother, and the incredible failure something like that emits on the persona.
I determined back then, with great resolve, that I would no longer spend time on
foolish pursuits. I decided that in order to reach my personal goals and achieve
what I determined as success and happiness, I could only do so by surrounding myself with
positive, successful and intelligent people. People who. like me, would
not allow limits or obstacles to overcome them. I also realized that I could no
longer sell myself out to needy people who would, given the chance, suck the
life-blood out of me. I decided that to continue down paths that I knew up
front were counter-productive to my own personal goals or dead-ends for me,
would be the equivalent of behaving in pure insanity. Again I digress.
I am now brought full circle to the core of my treatise: Just who are
the Upper
Crust in our society? What separates the Upper Crust from Lacklusters? What
makes one person capitalize on the opportunities that lie before them, and live
life to the fullest, while others shy away from and disregard opportunities as
too risky or faulty? The Upper Crust are not necessarily the ueber-wealthy
in our midst - though, the wealthy can certainly qualify. The Upper Crust
is made up of individuals who see no
limits to what they can participate in or achieve in life. They take life
by the shoulders and shake out of it what they desire... never allowing naysayers to dissuade or sabotage them. The true Upper Crust rise ABOVE
the norms, and above society. They MAKE things happen, and provide
opportunities along the way for others. They are winners. They live where
they want to live, do what they enjoy, and make time for life's wondrous dance. They are the essence of
positive thought in motion. These folks would no more guffaw at the
prospect of owning their own personal jet, than they would at completing a
simple day's work. The two possibilities are equally within reach, should either
be a goal or priority to their master.
That's just it! The true Upper Crust in our society are MASTERS of
POSSIBILITY. And all for
the greater good of enjoying life. Totally.
So, you may ask, whatever happened with Devin? Unfortunately, my epiphany
over his lackluster status came after we'd exchanged cell phone numbers.
The entire night, into the wee hours of the morning on New Years Day, I was
subject to whiney, pleading phone calls. Devin, to my own surprise
inundated me with queries as to why I was unable to drop everything and do
things at his uncertain and undecided whims. Sadly, I was forced to seek
the aid of my friends, who reiterated my lack of interest, and strongly
suggested he give it up. That, my friends, is what he did.
Thankfully.
Back to Top |
|
Extended Circles is a website facilitating personal growth for the mind,
body and spirit. It's for those who appreciate the value of the phrase
"Different Strokes" and the fact that it's what makes our world an
extremely interesting place! It's for people who want to meet
others from different walks of life, and extend their own circles.
Extended Circles is also a book in development by Lisa Jey Davis
about different paths that open up to us when we extend or expand our
circle of friends, haunts and routines... It is also a daily practice -
to go beyond our self-imposed borders and boundaries and reach out into
the sometimes scary, sometimes thrilling unknown, and awaken to the world beyond ourselves.
It started very simply, really, when
Lisa realized how close she came to never
meeting some of the very key people in her life. All this, by the mere fact that
she had settled into a familiar pattern
- She frequented many of the same places, and ran in a few different,
select (and inter-connected) circles.
Due in part to a willingness to
take personal inventory and a desire to continually grow,
Lisa realized her narrow scope, and began to wonder what
else might be out there. She didn't stop until she got out of her
comfort zone. Her first impulse, once discovering this
isolated, trapped or cornered feeling within herself, was to run - move to another city to meet new
groups of people - take a trip to a far away, remote country to discover
new worlds... Luckily, she found a way
to grow beyond herself, enrich her life, and extend her own circle without
taking such drastic measures.
Back to Top |
